Cinema Cemetery

Santa's Big Problem

When thinking back through the decades of depictions of Santa Claus in movies, one major overlooked factor stands out. Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, Pierre Noel...is...Pathetic.

What can we, as artists, learn from the Coca Cola mascots failings? Let’s do a quick overview of some of the most famous examples of the character in film to find out.

Miracle on 34th Street 1947

Santa is angry because an actor in a thanksgiving day parade isn’t doing a good job portraying him. In a brilliant show of micromanaging, he takes the job from the inebriated faux-elf and participates in the parade...shouldn’t he be, I don’t know, at the north pole preparing for worldwide once a year event he’s spearheading next month? Santa’s not only a perfectionist when it comes to his image but he’s wildly negligent when it comes to HIS ONE JOB.

He spends much of the movie ensnared in promoting a store and trying to win over a cynical child, it’s a good thing he doesn’t anything better to do. 

Santa then proceeds to physically assault some jerk (yay?) and then get locked up in a mental institution where he is so broken up about not being able to convince everyone that he’s the real christmas deal that he just decides to give up on the whole BEING SANTA THING and sulk for a while. Santa Claus ladies and gentlemen, what a problem solver. 

He’s eventually vindicated in a court of law through a dubious legal loophole but really doesn’t do ANYTHING to help himself out of the mess his pity-party created. In this movie Santa is controlling, childish, sulky, and...oh yeah...Santa isn’t very good at his job.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 1964

This Santa, needs to die.

He kicks off the holiday cheer by mocking his lead reindeer's baby son for a physical defect. We later get a peek into his organization and it feels more like slave labour than anything else, elves are forced to be cheery and outside interests are not only quashed but openly mocked. When a snowstorm hits and visibility is reduced, Santa is ready to cancel Christmas for the year. So you’re telling me that a massive snowstorm in the winter on the north pole is...unusual? Suddenly Santa is all about Rudolph because his so called physical defect can benefit Santa in some way, now Santa LOVES Rudolph. Not only is this Santa terrible at his job in this classic, but I also want to see Rudolph kick him off a cliff.

The Nightmare Before Christmas 1993

In this movie Santa isn’t very good at his job, but it’s kinda not his fault this time. He’s caught in the middle of a weird situation and does what he can to fix everything after so...moving on!

The Santa Clause 1994

Santa is on a rooftop, classic. Someone on the sidewalk shouts at him and he immediately slips, falls, and dies. Seeing as how his whole shtick involves rooftops, it really seems like Santa wasn’t very good at his job if someone who was shouting at him is enough to break his concentration.

The shouting schmo on the sidewalk is now the new Santa Claus. He’s terrible at it and must be handheld through the process by a legion of elves and his young son. For the majority of the movie, Santa isn’t very good at his job.

Elf 2003

An orphan climbs into Santa’s sack, the jolly old fellow DOESN’T NOTICE and takes him to the north pole. He’s literally a lawsuit waiting to happen, Santa isn’t very good at his job.

Due to a lack of “christmas spirit” Santa’s sleigh later crashes in central park. Seeing as how Mr. Claus is basically the embodiment of christmas spirit, this feels like an excuse or something easily preventable with a backup engine or SOMETHING. The solution? A child must go on television to reinvigorate the christmas spirit within the populace writ large. Santa’s job? He isn’t good at it. 

The Polar Express 2004

Ok this is weird, this is probably the worst movie on my list but for once Santa is generally pretty great at being Santa in this one. Huh. 

Arthur Christmas 2011

Santa is past his prime in this movie, he very nearly ruins Christmas through sheer clumsiness when it begins. His role in the whole christmas eve delivery service at this point is mostly symbolic as his organization is far more capable and competent than he is. Right off the bat, the main theme of the movie is: SANTA ISN’T VERY GOOD AT HIS JOB.

Much of the film is concerned with how to replace him, honestly too few people have even seen this movie and YOU SHOULD. IT’S. GREAT. So I’m just going to move on, point made here.

Ok, so this list wasn’t the most comprehensive but I think it does hit nearly every widely popular movie featuring Santa Claus himself as a pivotal character. Overall, Santa Claus isn’t very good at his job and I think there’s an excellent reason why. The character is generally seen as very giving, kind, accepting, and empathetic. He’s the capitalist’s version of Jesus. But a character with no flaws in a film can be a pretty boring character and who better to help him through his struggle than someone the target audience will relate to, a child. At the end of the day, Santa’s abilities and title never seem to be enough to save the day. By the time credits roll, it’s usually the belief of those around him which elevates him through the conflict and helps him hold himself to higher standards.

As filmmakers, we often feel we don’t measure up. But then, it’s not always about our immediate abilities but about our intent, our dedication, and about surrounding ourselves with people who will push us to hold ourselves to a higher standard. 

Santa Claus isn’t very good at his job, people love him anyways. He’s about something bigger than his title, he represents hope, compassion, charity, and selflessness. You can be the most skilled person in the world, but if you can’t inspire your friends, your team, and your audience...then your talent is one present nobody will want to open.

This has been Cinema Cemetery, digging six feet deeper into film and culture.

-Josh Evans